<div style="text-align: center;"><b style="font-size: 18pt;"><font size="7">They look great!!!</font></b></div>

Well first off Heather's implants (Thelma and Louise is the current front runner) look great!

The surgery yesterday was a little more extensive than originally anticipated due to some longstanding complications with fluid buildup and some issues with the previous flap surgery that was done to prepare for this surgery.

There was a lot of work to do so, sparing you all of the details, we ended up staying at the hospital overnight for pain management purposes.  That turned out to be a moot point however because Heather had issues twice with the IV for the PCA pump that was to allow her to choose when to administer morphine...within limits of course.  She had site swelling and redness in two different areas and though it seems odd the thought is that she may have developed an allergy to morphine.  Still doesn't make sense to me.

Either way they took the IV out and decided to just alternate Percocet and Valium throughout the night.  We could have done that at home. 😤  

Thankfully Alisa Meyer spent the night with the kids and got them off to school this morning!  We thank her a ton and everyone else who offered assistance.....Alisa just drew the short straw!  😄

We hope to be out by early afternoon and we expect to take a good long nap before picking up the kids from school.  Not a whole lot of sleep for either of us last night.  Heather had a roommate so there was activity including the TV on all night, I "slept" in a regular chair, and the general annoyances that are commonplace when in the hospital. 

All in all things are good.  Thank you again for all of the love and support.  Heather will be home from work for the next 3 weeks, at least, and would love some company if you're up for it!

Picking up some new puppies tomorrow!

From the hospital...not the pound.  

Heather's (hopefully) last surgery in this 15 month long process happens tomorrow morning.  As with any surgery there is concern but I have full faith in Heather's strength as well as the expertise of Dr. Butterfield, the plastic surgeon.  

We are hoping for a speedy 3-4 week recovery period though there will be some restrictions even past that time.  As always your prayers and general good vibes are appreciated!  

My wife is awesome.....but you already knew that

Several days ago Heather and I realized that we just passed the one year anniversary of her double mastectomy.  We were amazed to think that it was just a year ago because, strangely enough, it seems like it was much longer ago.

Heather paused at one point and said that "In the grand scheme of things it was just a minor inconvenience."

Cancer diagnosis, double mastectomy, expander failure, drains, chemotherapy, radiation, more drains, etc.....a minor inconvenience.  Wow.  Just wow.

I am so humbled and amazed by that.  I love her so much and hope, if that was a minor inconvenience, that we never experience a major inconvenience!

Reminiscing on my own over the last few days I have become emotionally overwhelmed by the tremendous amount of love and support that we received over the last year.  So very many of you lifted us up in prayer and went above and beyond in providing us with emotional support through cards, phone calls, and visits, as well as providing meals, helping with the kids, and so much more.

I/we can't even begin to express our gratitude for your love and support.  It has meant so very much to us.  Thank you.  Thank you for being there in body and spirit yesterday and today.  💕

Two Drainz is back in da house!

Heather had a three hour surgery this morning at The Christ Hospital as part of the reconstruction process. 

All is well and we will spend the night in the hospital tonight and hopefully go home sometime tomorrow. 

There will be a three week recovery process and she will start out with two drains this time. 

We are glad to have Sandy McBryan, Heather's Mom, with us for two of those weeks to help out. 

Thanks to those who have already helped with kids today and tomorrow!

We will try to keep you updated here on the blog. 

Mark

Time to Glow!

Heather starts her radiation tomorrow.  She will receive daily weekday treatments for 30 days.  

A couple of positives here:

1) Heather is back at work and can walk to her treatments

2) This begins another phase that is a means to an end

3) The treatments only last less than 15 minutes

A couple of not as positive:

1) The treatments will likely cause fatigue. (Additional)

2) The skin in the areas being treated will be fried requiring lots of lotions and oils

3) Though Heather's heart is positioned well it will still become scarred from the treatments

We are planning a long weekend away once the treatments are over and before the reconstruction surgery can begin and I/we can't wait.  Just the two of us for a few days to do nothing or whatever we want.

This weather stuff means nothing.  Other things seem so trivial these days.  Our perspective on life is different now and in a much better way I believe.  Peace.  Love.  Happiness to all.

It Ain't Over Till it's Over

I really don't know where to start.

That was my original first line.  I have to say that it is now 3:00 in the morning and I am in Philadelphia for work purposes.  I seriously just wrote an incredibly detailed and thought provoking blog entry that actually made me tear up when I proof read it but, due to bladder issues, i put my iPad down for 1 minute and 48 seconds.  I came back and my blog post was gone.  I will try to re-create the post in a shorter amount of time because I have to get up in 3 hours and spend the day analyzing/assessing a program to determine if it is a viable option for our organization.  Dammit!  What I will try to re-create will not be nearly as heartwrenching and direct as what I wrote over the last 2 hours.  Par for the fucking course I guess.

Heather finished her chemo on Dec 16th. Thank God that is over. What?  It's not?  No. Apparently not. 

The Oncologist informed us that the full body pain, lethargy, hormonal changes, etc. are going to last 8-9 more months?  Seriously?  I thought we were done with this shit!

Nope. 

Heather has her radiation simulation today (1/15) at 2 pm.  This is a CAT scan that will help determine the direction that the radiation beams will need to follow for 30 treatments into the arm, breast, chest cavity, and neck to make certain that all cancer cells are eradicated in case the chemo didn't get them all.

"Fortunately" Heather's heart is positioned such that the radiation will only effect/scar the top left section of her heart.  She has always told  me that she loves me with all of her heart and I hope to God this is true (I know it is) because if for some reason she only loves me with the top left portion of her heart I am screwed.

One positive is that Heather can receive her radiation treatments during the day.  She can go to her appointments which should last just a few minutes while she is at work since the radiation will be done within a stone's throw from her work.

Heather is lucky enough to have a Manager; Mark and a Director; Sue who are understanding and loving enough to give Heather the flexibility she needs to receive her raditation treatments during her working hours.

Heather and I need a break. Really.  After the radiation treatments she will continue to bake for several weeks. Once the baking/microwave effect has run it's course Heather will undergo a series of surgeries to rebuild her left breast. (As you may recall the left breast reconstruction she had at the time of her mastectomy in July failed over the Labor Day weekend which creates the need for additional reconstruction surgery.)

The reconstruction process will start with surgery that will remove muscle and skin from her back to create the proper covering for her left breast.  More info about the procedure can be found here: http://www.breastreconstruction.org/TypesOfReconstruction/dorsi_flap.html

Epiphany

I, like most people, figured that chemo was the worst part of the cancer process and that after the chemo treatments it was smooth sailing.  Let's see.  8-9 more months of chemo residuals; full body pain, lethargy, hormonal changes, etc., plus 30 days of radiation that causes fatigue/lethargy, plus a pre-condition diagnoses of Idiopathic Hypersomnolence, (a form of narcolepsy), plus going back to work, plus having to deal with three energetic kids and a stressed out husband.....Heather is on the fast track to insanity!  We all are.

Our goal is to take a much needed break between the radiation and the reconstruction process.  The proposed timeframe aligns perfectly with our 8th anniversary. (April Fool's Day for those who may not know or recall).  

We hope to take a long weekend and treat ourselves to an all inclusive resort in Mexico, take a cruise, something, anything, to give us some time to "get away from it all" and spend time getting back to the loving couple we have put on the back burner for the last 6-7 months.  Of course this takes coordination and effort.  We will need asssistance with the kids and dogs during that time.

We have received a tremendous amount of support both physically and spiritually up to this point.  Please continue the journey with us.  It really ain't over until it is over.  The chemo residuals, raditation joys, the reconstruction process, and the five years and clear timeframe hang heavy on us each and every day.

We are trying very hard to NOT make this the year (+) of Heather's cancer but we can't deny it either.  Our perspective on life has changed significantly...for the better I think....but it does not necessarily make things easier for us.

I am not very good about asking for help.  If I was the blog post would have been much short her and something like this:

Cancer is ever present in our lives.  We are controlling the cancer to the best of our ability through modern medicine and spiritual support this making it a less powerful and burdensome part of our lives but it remains a concern and will for many years to come.  We appreciate any continued support; physically through assistance with day to day things like meals and helping with the kids, and spiritually through prayer and ongoing emotional support.  None outweigh the other. We appreciate it all.

It is now 4:17 a.m.  2 hours until wake up.  I'm tired.  Must sleep.  I miss my wife and kids.  I love and appreciate you all.  Thanks for listening and for your ongoing support in whatever form that occurs.  

#fuckcancer

Just being normal would be perfect!

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings - so please don't take this personally. This is not directed at any person but at a perception. One of the things that cancer has done for me is shifted my perceptions and I feel the need to share one.  

As we approached the holidays I had a lot of people tell me to give myself a break this year.  That I am allowed to take it easy this Christmas - it doesn't have to be perfect. That my boys birthday didn't have to be perfect - relax and take it easy. Considering I was getting my 8th dose of chemo less then a week before my boys' birthday and 9 days before Christmas that seemed like sound advice. 

I really hate to admit this to the general public but I am a fairly lazy person. I have great ideas but pitiful follow thru. But this year I did decide to give myself a break on those great ideas. My goal this year was not to try and create some perfectly magical Christmas my goal was just to have a normal Christmas. 

I have two older daughters that would have totally understood if I said we were postponing Christmas to some future date. They would have been mildly disappointed but would have totally understood. But I also have a 6 year old and two boys turning 5 two days before Christmas.  For them, Christmas is the most magical and exciting time of year, full of wonder and delight. How do you postpone that without crushing the magic?  You don't. 

You also cannot forego a 5 year olds birthday. My boys had been planning their birthday party for 6 months. 

So as everyone kept telling me to relax, don't stress yourself, don't make a big to do; I was busy figuring out what I could do to, at least, keep it normal. 

The boys wanted an Angry Birds party - so I got some Angry Birds party supplies. Relax it doesn't need to be perfect.

Their oldest sister was sweet and offered to take the boys to the movies on her day off which was the day before the boys' birthday. So I figured we could celebrate their birthday that day. We would have a dinner they liked, make a cake and celebrate as family. Relax it doesn't need to be perfect. 

After weeks of begging from Reilly we managed to get our tree up and with the help of some friends the kids got it decorated. I got 95% of the Christmas shopping done before my last chemo. Relax it doesn't need to be perfect. 

I worked on getting everything wrapped when I was feeling good. Relax it doesn't need to be perfect. 

You see, I didn't worry about the fact that I wasn't doing Elf on the Shelf for my kids even though most of their friends were - we just made up a story about invisible elves.  I didn't worry about getting lights on the outside of the house or doing tons of decorating inside the house.  I didn't worry about the fact that I didn't think to preorder an Angry Birds birthday cake from whatever bakery. I didn't worry about planning a birthday party with the boys' friends or even something with family friends. I knew low-key was the way to go. I got the kids things from their Christmas lists, I didn't spend hours scouring to find that one thing that they wanted but didn't ask for. If I couldn't find it online or on one of my brief forays out then it didn't happen.  I didn't make any special trips or go to multiple stores in search of something. 

I didn't make this the perfect birthday or the perfect Christmas but I hoped not to disappoint anyone.  I just wanted normal. You see everyone wants to say "Relax,take it easy, don't stress yourself - it doesn't have to be perfect." But what they don't fully understand is that I have cancer - I already know it won't be perfect. That my family has to deal with the reality of that cancer every day. They don't expect perfect. But what they crave more then anything is a little bit of normal. I can't take them back to pre-cancer normal but I can give them a little normal at Christmas. I can at least give them the minimums this holiday asks. 

I admit that I did stress myself a little bit. I need to get better at not expecting so much of myself. I need to get better at asking for help and sometimes I need to not have to ask. Take just a minute and put yourself in my shoes and think about what you would do, what you would want. I'm going to guess its just a little bit of normal. 

By the way, we pulled off a normal birthday for the boys and a normal Christmas for all the kids. It was all perfectly normal. 

Back in the saddle

New Year's Eve was my first day back to work. I was supposed to return the day before but managed to pick up a nasty little cold over the weekend and was not my best self on Monday. Not that I was anywhere near my best self on Tuesday but at least I was functional. 

I have not been to work in 5 months and 1 week. That's not to say I've been completely disconnected. I have tried to keep up with email and I have had many opportunities to catch up with my co-workers but I haven't really been working. So I have to say that my first day back was very disorienting!  Just walking from my car to my office had me seriously out of breath - which was a bit unexpected but probably shouldn't have been. I guess when you spend 5 months sitting on a couch you get a bit out of shape. Hey I did go down 6 flights of stairs and up 1 along the way (totally trying to justify) :)

The weirdest thing was the odd sense of time warp I experienced. Things that happened 6 months ago felt to me like they occurred a month ago. I started to find it a bit amusing when I would start to say something about last month and realize it was last summer - oops. The best part is that we hired a new employee who started on Monday. So here is disoriented me trying to teach the new kid about his brand new job. I'm just hoping I didn't confuse him too much. 

I made it through the day and didn't really get much done but I suppose what I did get done will be that much less I have to do tomorrow. 

It was an exhausting day. I was there a little too long for the first day back (and with a yucky cold) and I paid the price. This girl did not get anywhere near midnight. I slept a good 12+ hours last night (thank you my dear sweet husband). I spent today feeling like I was hit by a personal trainer on steroids.  But I am back in the saddle and glad to return to a more normal routine. 

Last chemo and the end of phase 2 of my treatment....

I have to admit that as far as the day I received my last chemo treatment goes - it was pretty unexciting. It was actually an unusual day in that it was a Monday instead of a Friday so I had a different cast of characters and it was a much longer day. I missed having my usual chemo nurse, Robin - she took care of me for half of my appointments. All of the nurses are great but apparently I like the consistency. I enjoyed getting to know her a little more each visit.  So I was a little sad that my last treatment didn't include her. She did come by and say hello but it's not the same. It was very quiet in the chemo room which also seemed out of the ordinary - there is a lot more activity on Fridays.  The funny thing is that even though it was a quiet day my treatment still took longer. In the end I had to send Mark home and have a very sweet co-worker bring me home. (The benefits of working just across the street and having awesome co-workers is that I can find help easily). 

That's not to say I wasn't a little excited. I was!  But as Mark said it won't feel like it's over until I get through all the side effects. 

And what side effects they have been!  Round 7 of chemo was really rough but compared to the last round.....  I know that I said Taxol was supposed to be easier but apparently I'm not one of those people. Just imagine the worst flu you've ever had. I don't mean the stomach flu - I mean the flu you get a shot for each year to protect against. So I didn't have the stuffy nose, cough, or fever but everything else applied in extra amounts to make up for it. In addition, I think the Taxol messes with my emotional state a a well. Sorry to my family. Luckily I started on the upswing sometime Christmas Eve - so although I didn't feel like a superstar on Christmas Day, I did feel good enough to enjoy it tremondously, thanks to a loving, attentive spouse and some awesome and funny kids. 

In retrospect....

As I entered into his phase of chemo I had developed some sense that although not fun the whole chemo thing wouldn't be too bad.  I had brief conversations with people who had worked all through their chemo treatments and the doctors and nurses had all talked about how the new drugs made such a huge difference with the side effects that I should be able to live my life as if chemo was just something else going on.  I have to admit - maybe I'm a wimp but - I'm really glad I didn't work during chemo. All the anti-nausea and vomiting meds did keep me from being sick to my stomach and losing weight during the process and I am thankful (at least for the not being sick to my stomach all the time). But the other symptoms are not fun either. 

I still love chemo and I still don't like it!

Heather's knight? NOT! Court jester maybe. 🃏

Yes Heather has received her last chemo treatment.  Yes she is feeling the worst she has ever felt right now.  No....Mark doesn't fully get it.

I feel awful.  After years of studying human behavior and becoming a Social Worker you would have thought by now that, even though I left the profession in 1998, I might have a better handle on the emapthetic approach to understanding my wife, her disease process, and the tremendous struggle she is going through both emotionally and physiclly right now.  Boy have I been wrong.

I have been blinded so much by optimism that I have not let myself experience the here and now which would bring me to the realization that Heather has been under so much pressure to coordinate the boys' 5th birthday (12/23), do all the planning and purchasing for Christmas, not just for our immediate family but for everyone in our family as a whole, all the while feeling like absolute shit and not trying to impose that burden on anyone else.  (Me)

Heather is at her lowest of lows right now physically and emotionally.  The good thing is that we know it will only get better from here as the chemo effects wear off, she starts feeling better, and heads back to work on 12/30!  None of this diminishes the fact that she does not want this to be the season of Heather's cancer.  So she has been trying so very hard to make this the perfect 5th birthday for the boys, and the best Christmas for the kids, and I have totally missed the boat.

I have been approaching the birthday and Christmas very leisurely and figured it would be a "take it as it goes" thing.  Wrongo!  It is so much more than that and I realized that today.  Heather is exhausted.  she has been stressing about making these events "normal" and I didn't get it.  

We were able to pull off the boys' birthday, though an evening early, since we were lucky enough to have Micaela and Jackie here with us.  Micaela made the boys a cake then she and Jackie took all three kids to see Despicable Me 2 while I put bikes together. When the kids got home the bikes were waiting.  The boys were thrilled and even though we had two different bikes they talked to each other joyfully and actually traded bikes so they were both very happy.  That's good parenting right there and I am so thankful that we had the opportunity to have that moment of pure joy and brotherly love.

The kids went out and rode their bikes then we had dinner, had cake, and watched a movie. (Elf...of course!)  Then it was off to bed for the kids. Heather went to bed soon after that.  She really does feel awful.

Christmas will be great.  I have no doubt.  Heather has worked hard through her crappiness to make sure everyone is happy and I know they will be.  I will be mindful of that when I see the happy faces as we celebrate Christmas and know that it is so because of Heather and her perserverance over the last several weeks to make this holiday as joyous and normal as possible.

My point to all of this is that I have only really been taking care of the daily grind.  Heather early on called me her knight.  Unfortunately I believe that I fell off of my horse early and have allowed myself to be dragged along with one foot in the stirrup....always a few steps behind emotionally.  The bumpy ride (drag) has made me wisen up and as we approach radiation and reconstruction over the next several months I vow to climb back up on that damn horse and give Heather the full support that she needs in the here and now.  Today.  Everyday.  I can not even begin to comprehend what she is going through as an individual, a wife, daughter, and mother.  I wish I could but I can't but I will try my best from this day forward to do just that.  Better late than never.

I am so thankful that Heather has so many friends that have been supporting her through this journey.  I can't thank you enough for providing her with the love and support that you have given her despite your busy lives.  We are truly blessed.

Heather is an amazing woman.  I knew that the day that I met her in February of 2003 and I knew I couldn't let her get away.  She can't get rid of me now so we will be riding off on that horse into the sunset together!  Yes...cheesy I know but that is the role of the jester.  Thank you and....good knight!

Sarcasm isn't just for the smart...

Last week was a heck of a week. This most recent round of chemo was by far my toughest yet. We managed to get the itchiness under control with generic Zantac - who knew?!  I also have meds to control the aches and pains but boy do I become a space cowboy.  I rounded out my week with 2 doctors appointments. 

The first appointment was with a genetic counselor. Initially I was told not to bother but once my mom was diagnosed I was told I might want to think about it. We went through my family history with the counselor and although there isn't anything really striking there is still a possibility of a mutation. So we are having them run the test. 

There are two reasons to find out if I have a genetic mutation.  The most obvious being the possibility of passing the mutation on to my children. But there is actually a second and, in the short term, more important reason - to decide whether or not to have my ovaries removed. If I do carry the mutation on the, now famous, BRCA1 and/or BRCA2 genes, then I have an increased risk of ovarian cancer. Now we just don't have the time or patience for that business! 

So now we wait. We should have those results in about a month or so. We had the option to have them test a bunch of other somewhat random genes but according to the counselor they wouldn't know what to tell us about mutations on most of those genes and Mark and I agreed we would spend way more time wondering and worrying and researching them then was good for us. So it's just the BC screening for now. 

The second appointment was our introductory appointment with the radiation oncologist. As most of you know, I work for the Cancer Institute at the local children's hospital. As part of a project I was working on - I was given a 'behind the scenes' tour of a new unique radiation therapy facility. So I have a decent understanding of how this works. The main thing I wanted to get out of this appointment was the timing of everything. I got a lot more then that!  

My radiation oncology (radonc) doc is fantastic - he is well respected in his field and his expertise is in treating breast cancer. I also really liked him. He explained things really well and even showed us pictures. I got to see the CT of my abdomen which was pretty cool. Then there is all the not fun stuff...

The radiation is going to cause scarring on my heart and lungs. Luckily the cancer was in my right breast so that reduces the amount of damage to my heart because of the heart's position in the chest.  I'm not going to be buying lottery tickets on that luck though.  I've never been a smoker so the impact to my lungs shouldn't really be noticeable to me. 

In addition to my chest wall and the lymph nodes under my arm (all on the right side), they will irradiate the lymph nodes under my clavicle and behind my breast bone. Most people don't get the added joy of having the breast bone, or internal mammary, lymph nodes (treated.  I get the added joy because I'm youngish and my cancer was throughout my entire chest. In most cases they can detect cancer in the lymph nodes under your arm based on how they look; of course in my case, they looked perfectly healthy until the pathology was done. For those reasons they worry that I could have some cancer hiding out in those internal mammary lymph nodes. Apparently they are quite nasty to get to so they don't remove any during a mastectomy. So a little extra radiation it is. 

I also learned that women who are diagnosed at a young age (which I am actually considered for these purposes) generally have a much more aggressive form of breast cancer. However, I am lucky because my cancer is not one of the most aggressive kinds (Yeah for me?!). 

He also told me I need to leave my port in through radiation "Just in case" - ugh!  Ok so I don't want to have surgery again to put it back in but I also don't want to think about the 'just in case' scenarios. 

On that note - radiation should start mid-January depending on how I'm feeling. I will get 30 doses which should take 6-7 weeks. 

I think the Taxol is making me extra sarcastic and just a little grumpy. Stupid chemo! But only one more left - yippee!! 

Love you all - thanks for all the love and support!  Hbomb

Last lap!!!

We are in the final stretch of the chemo 8 World Cup race to a cure!  7 laps down and one to go.  The final lap should be completed on 12/16/13 and Heather WILL be the winner!

Stay tuned for the final analysis and then it's on to the next race which is a 7 week radiation race commencing sometime in early 2014....date to be determined soon.

Thank you for watching and cheering Heather on.  You are our pit crew.  Not that you are the pits.  Yeah....you know what I mean. 😃

I Love chemo!?!

Let me start by saying that the Mountel/McBryan clan has had lots of things going on in the last month...

My sister started a new job - yeah Katie! My dad scheduled hip replacement surgeryfor the week before Christmas. My mom started radiation. Griffin had his tonsils and adenoids removed and is no longer snoring - yippee!  My sister-in-law lost her dear sweet grandmother. And I have finished 7 of 8 chemo cycles. 

I love chemo!

I love chemo because it is helping me fight the good fight. A fight which I cannot do alone. 

I love chemo because it is going to give me a much better chance at seeing all my kiddos grow up. 

I love chemo because it will give me a much better chance of learning more about my husband and loving him more.

I love chemo because it will give me a better chance of raising my children with my husband so that he doesn't go completely insane ;)

I love chemo because it has taught me some important lessons.  Like how much I can endure and how impatient I am when I don't feel well. It has also taught me the importance of a "Village" - and how lucky I am to have such a wonderful support system. 

I love chemo - but I DO NOT like chemo!! Or at least the side effects of chemo...

Actually, I have to say that losing my hair hasn't bothered me at all. I know it is very upsetting to most people but I have actually found it kind of interesting. 

The first 4 rounds of chemo  - the AC rounds weren't much fun. Honestly, I hate feeling like I'm hungover all the time and I HATE feeling nauseous. I have to admit feeling like that makes me wimpy and whiney. 

This second 4 rounds are a drug called Taxol (Paclitaxil). I just completed round 3 and I'm starting to get really frustrated with this nonsense. In the first two rounds I experienced a lot of joint and muscle pain. No fun but I can deal with pain better then sick. So far with the 3rd round I am itching to the point of feeling a bit crazy and I can't find anything that helps ;( I think I prefer the pain which should start in another day or two. 

Then there are the two super annoying side effects - the first is the insomnia. I don't understand how you can be totally and completely exhausted and not be able to sleep (although, right now, I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with the crazy itching.) Of course being a narcoleptic who can fall asleep at the drop of a hat anywhere, any time - I'm sure makes it harder to comprehend. 

The second is something I did not know - the treatments for breast, ovarian, and prostate cancer tend to cause weight gain instead of loss. It has to do with the effects on your hormones or something (and the decrease in activity certainly isn't helping).  I am a bit overweight to begin with so this is just adding insult to injury. 

So I am a little cranky this morning. Considering that it is 4:30 a.m. And I have been awake since midnight - and itching like crazy - I suppose I'm entitled. 

The good news is only one more chemo to go. Yippee! Yeah! Woo Hoo! And that is where I will try to focus my energy. Right?!

No News Is Good News?

Hi everybody!  Yeah we have been flying under the radar.  I guess maybe that's a good thing though. As of Friday Heather has completed 6 of her 8 chemo treatments so we are definitely headed in the right direction.

Round 5 and 6 of chemo switched from the Red Devil to Taxol.  Less nausea but increased fatigue and generalized pain.  The Neulasta shot Heather receives the day after chemo to boost her white cell counts also tends to bring on headaches approximately a week after administration.

We continue to receive so much support through cards, care packages, emails, calls, and visits from friends and family alike.  The meals and assistance with watching the kids on chemo Sundays so that Heather and I can rest and rejuvinate have been appreciated beyond measure.  Thank you all.

We love having visitors and appreciate the time you can spend with us.  Heather's Dad came and stayed with her over two weekends ago while I had Dad's weekend with Micaela at Ohio University.  Griffin was 5 days post tonsilectomy/adenoidectomy so Tom's assistance was greatly appreciated.

It has been so great to go out in public with Heather because she is not self conscious about her good ol' bald head.  I think she looks absolutely beautiful and she has been told by several random strangers that she has a glorious bald head.  She gets some looks but she owns it and I adore that about her.  

So a couple more rounds of chemo to go then raditation will likely begin just after the first of the year.  Heather expects to return after the end of chemo and is really looking forward to it.  Children's Hospital and Heather's management team have been absolutely wonderful during this time as have her co-workers at the hospital.  We are lucky to have this kind of support.  Life Enriching Communities has been very good to me as well with a flexible work schedule and support in many different ways.  I am fortunate to have a job that I can manage pretty well "on the go" with my iPad and/or phone.

Well...that's it for now.  Like I said maybe no news from us is good news.  The really good news is that we are loved and supported by so many and for that we thank you so very much.  XXXXOOOO

Feeling Loved

If any one ever wonders how I can fight this battle and be so positive - here are just a few examples of where I get my strength...

My sister cut off 11 inches of hair today to donate in my honor. 

A show of solidarity from some of my awesome friends. From northern VA to San Diego, CA....

This was just today. Today was also "Pink Out" day at the kids school - to support me and the many others who are affected by breast cancer. 

My co-workers also had a "Pink Out" day earlier this month...

Then there are all the friends who's kids wore pink during cheerleading, soccer, and football. Not to mention the 60+ card I've received. 

This is all in addition to meals and child care and company and phone calls and texts and special Facebook posts and profile pictures and care packages.  I feel like the luckiest girl in the world. So I just say what ev's to this cancer nuisance. And thank you to my amazing and wonderful family and friends - you make this battle worth fighting. You make me strong and you make me smile Every day!  XXXXXxOOOOOOOO

Hi! It's been awhile

Sorry it has been a little quiet on the blog front.  Heather's chemo treatments 2 & 3 have knocked her for a loop.  Nausea, extreme fatigue, heartburn, no....she is not pregnant....it's the chemo.

We have pretty much on autopilot the last several weeks and keeping our heads above water thanks to the love and support of many, many friends who have helped in so many ways.  Visiting, dinners, watching the kids, calling, texting, praying, etc.

Heather will have one final Red Devil treatment next Friday and will start a different regimin for 4 additional treatments that will take us through the end of the year.  The Oncologist has been very pleased with Heather's lab work which is so very important to watch during this time.  Without going into all of the details her bloodwork has been impressive!  This means that the treatments continue on schedule and her immune system is functioning well though we are not taking a lot of extra chances to reduce Heather's exposure to a virus etc.

Heather and I have had some very difficult, important and much needed discussions over the last few weeks and one thing remains clear; we are going to continue to forge ahead optimistically and continue to live our lives so that we look back at this time as a great time with the kids, family, and friends.  Oh and Heather had cancer then too.

Heather never ceases to amaze me.  Her strength and resilience have been amazing and I love her with all my heart.  Thanks for listening.  :)

Back in the saddle

As you probably know Heather had to have her left implant surgically removed last Wednesday.  This unfortunately pushed back the chemo that was planned for last Friday.  

We weren't sure how Heather would be feeling after the surgery and we almost cancelled the shearing party we had planned for Saturday. Fortunately the good news was plentiful; she felt pretty darn good, only had one drain, and she started shedding on her own!  So just in the nick of time we had the shearing party on Saturday and it was a blast!

Heather started off by taking the first cut with scissors.  We then let each of our little ones take a whack and then several other kids at the party did the same. Next came the clippers.  We shaved one side of her head and she looked very, well, European punk maybe?   Next the other side came off so she was sporting a mowhawk.  It was awesome!  Then the rest was taken off and by Jove she looked absolutely beautiful.  I mean fantastically gorgeous!  (Still does)

The plastic surgeon who removed the implant and the oncologist came to an agreement of sorts and today we had a chemo appointment established.  Since Heather's blood work was stellar the oncologist proceeded with the chemo!  I know it sounds weird to be excited about it but we want the chemo to get in there and do what it is supposed to do as soon as possible and any delays are frustrating.

2 down and 6 to go.  Thanks for all of the love and support.  Really...it means an awful lot to us.   XXXXOOOO

Heather rockin a mowhawk on the way to a complete shave

Mountains and valleys to traverse

As many of you know Heather had a rather unexpected surgery today to remove the reconstruction expander and some dead tissue in her left breast.  This was due to continued swelling due to fluid buildup in the breast which compromised the blood flow to the tissue and the skin became paper thin and it had the potential to open which would have caused the removal of the expander anyway.

Therefore her right breast, the cancer side, still looks great.  The left side is now flat and maybe even a little indented.  Her rebuilding process on the left side will not occur for about 1 year as she needs to get through chemo, radiation, and the residual effects of radiation before they can rebuild.

Heather's sister Katie, the angel that she is, came in from Michigan this morning to join us for the surgery and though we would have preferred this not happen we are pleased that the surgery went very well.  It started at 1:00 and was finished by 1:16.  Katie and i met with the physician, Dr. Butterfield whom Heather and I absolutely adore, and then waited about an hour to see Heather in recovery.

Heather was alert, smiling, and felt great and not just because of the meds.  We were on the way out the door by 4!  Before we left Dianne Stapp stopped by to see us since she works as a nurse at The Christ Hospital.  It was so nice to see her.  She and I go waaaayyyy back when she and her husband, boyfriend at the time, Tod and I worked together at Coney Island.  Heather has been lucky enough to know her since Jackie's dancing days at McNick.

We are evaluating whether or not we will continue with Heather's shearing event on Saturday.  We will see how she feels through tomorrow and go from there.  Thanks to all of you for your love, prayers, and energy today and everyday.  It truly makes a difference in our lives.

As a wise woman (Laura Daniels Graves) said to me once, and I paraphrase "Setbacks allow for comebacks".  So true.  This will slow us down a bit since chemo has to be put off for a week or two but we shall move on and kick the crap out of this cancer.

Cosmetic Shift

"The best laid plans of mice and men oft go astray."

It is inevitable, when it comes to cancer treatment that things will not go as planned. That somewhere along the line there will be a slight change or modification to the plan. Lets just say that sometimes the changes aren't so slight and you have to remind yourself that the reality is that these plans are fluid and sometimes there are major changes in direction but you are still moving forward. 

This leads me to my life over the past 2 1/2 weeks. The plan for the last week of August was: port placement on Wednesday and Chemo on Friday. But on Monday I noticed that my left breast was swollen so I called the surgeon and she fit me in. With a look of concern she drained about 120cc of fluid out of my breast. With a reminder to come back and see her if it started to swell again we were back on plan. I noticed a little swelling after my port placement on Wednesday but nothing I worried about too much. 

Friday was chemo day. Chemo day involves a lot of waiting. You start out getting a lab draw (through my fancy new port). Then you sit around and wait for the doctor to get the results so that she can make sure you are well enough to get chemo. This visit, since it was the first one, also included some extra education (which is always helpful). Then we head downstairs to wait for an empty chair in the infusion room. Once that's available you wait for the medicine to come and get checked and verified. Then they start the infusion. The infusion is pretty painless - just a little boring if you don't have someone as entertaining as Mark to keep you company. And then you are done.  

They give you a bunch of preventative medications that help curb side effects (like nausea etc.). Then they put you on an anti-nausea plus steroid combo for the next two days to keep you feeling good. (Mark and I like to refer to the steroid as Meth - it's somewhere in the name). Despite all this of course I came crashing down into nausea land. 

In the meantime, I noticed that I was swelling more and more in my left breast. Of course, it was a holiday weekend and by Tuesday I was feeling pretty rotten from the chemo so I forgot to call the plastic surgeon. By Wednesday I was a mess - nausea like crazy, sores on my tongue (turned out I had thrush), and the swelling in my left breast was getting uncomfortable - so I called and got appointments made with my surgeon and oncologist. My surgeon took one look at my breast and was very unhappy. They ended up draining about 200cc of fluid this time. She scheduled a follow up for today - she was very concerned with how my incision and skin looked. 

I've been slowly feeling better from the chemo and I've been making sure to do everything my doctors told me but today's appointment didn't go very well. My surgeon took one look at my breast today and sat down. She sat quietly for a long time - I could see all the wheels turning as she tried to come up with the new plan...  Then she gave me the bad news - I am losing my implant (or expander to be more accurate). 

The skin on my breast won't likely survive much more chemo if any. It is ready to rupture. So tomorrow they have to take it out and clean out the dead and dying tissue and then close it up. There will be nothing left. We will have to do a major rebuild process after I heal from radiation treatment. It will involve a lot more surgery and they will have to take donor skin/tissue from somewhere else on my body to build the breast.  It will be a lot more complicated. So that means another surgery now, postponement of chemo for a few weeks, and more surgeries later. 

To put it mildly, I am bummed. 

But I try to remember something I read recently describing the human spirit as water. It can be calm and peaceful but it can be fierce.  It can move around obstacles with hardly a notice or with a ferocity needed to move them out of the way. So I remind myself this is something I can and will manage. Just maybe not always gracefully. 

Love to you all,

Grace Faux Tata