Delay of game...

I finally talked to the scheduler today about the date of my mastectomy. Looks like it won't be until July 24th. That is the soonest they could get both surgeon's schedule to align. I have to say I was VERY disappointed to hear that this morning - it put me in quite a slump. I had to remind myself of the positives....  I get to enjoy my birthday (which is next week), I get to go to Bunbury music festival, I have time to get some work things done before I'm out for three weeks. Those are all good things and the power of saying them over and over is that I do feel less disappointed. I also have to remind myself that if they were really worried they wouldn't delay the surgery. Now I just need to get rid of this cold and then stay healthy until surgery.

Breasts, boobs, tatas, the girls....

Today I had my consult with the plastic surgeon. The waiting room was very pleasant with a lovely waterfall and nice soft comfy seating. On the coffee table next to me was a plate of 3 glass apples - each a different size. To me they looked a lot like breasts with twisty nipples.  I found them quite humorous and was delighted to find several more among the shelf displays in the waiting room. After meeting my surgeon I am pretty sure that the I innuendo was quite intentional. I can appreciate a doctor with a sense of humor!

Mark was quite happy to watch as the female physician stared at, drew on, and took pictures of my breasts.  Before I opened my gown she asked what size I was and then what size I wanted to be. Mark  wanted me to tell her I wanted to go bigger - as a 36G I don't think I'm going bigger! LOL

I've actually been struggling with what size to go for. I suspect that no matter what it is it is going to feel very small. Regardless I do look forward to buying cute, inexpensive bras and being able to wear strapless or halter tops and dresses.

I do feel a little sad about losing my breasts. Although they have been annoying and frustrating at times - they have been a part of me for 40 years. When it comes down to it - I'd rather have 40 more years then boobs.

So now the next question - do I get nipples?

I've Got Me A Woman.....

.....and she's so fine.  Heather is a very strong woman and that my friends is going to be essential.  

I know Heather.  I know her well.  She has overcome a number of things in her life, as we all have, and she gets there through research, strategizing, and by reluctantly letting her friends and family help her.  This blog is a big and important first step in our journey and I am proud of Heather for opening herself up to everyone.

This really sucks and we know it.  We are gearing up for a pretty crappy summer and fall physically but will try to keep a positive future in sight.  With the friends and family that we have we are nearly guaranteed a constant stream of support and I will thank you for that now and will hopefully remember to do so in the future as well.

We are trying to keep the young ones informed through honest, open, communication and we hope to do the same here for you.  

Always keeping you abreast of the situation....Mark

(Please remember that I have a morbid sense of humor; just one of the zillions of reasons Heather loves me.  I also use humor to deal with tough things so expect that this will be my tag line.  I am certain that there will be other breast type references interjected in my posts which are not meant to offend but to lighten the mood for me and hopefully others as well.)

How are you?

Now that I've put that technical stuff out there lets move on to the touchy feely thing.
The  day following my diagnosis we headed off to Northern Virginia to visit some wonderful friends. It was a wonderful week and just what I needed. It was fun to finally introduce my little quacks to the rest of the quack family (or most of it anyway).

We stayed with some of the greatest friends I could ever have asked for!  They allowed me time to grieve, time to laugh, an ear to listen to all my ramblings and research, they made my children feel safe, and gave me their friendship and love. For that I am truly and forever grateful. A gargantuan 💗THANK YOU💗 to the Rossows. And another huge thank you to the rest of the Quacks for all of their love and support and friendship.

On Saturday, a group of my friends came over to visit and play. I told them all my about my diagnosis, the next steps, some of the later possibilities. At some point my friend Megan asked "OK but how are YOU?"

Now that's a good question....one that I'm not really sure how to answer.  So here is my attempt:
I'm worried -worried about my Knight who will do too much and push himself too hard and won't ask for help. I'm worried about my crazy kids (big & little) and how this will impact them. I've decided not to worry about "what happens if..." - we will deal with our path as it comes.

If I'm truly honest with myself, I am afraid of what is to come. I have been trying very hard not to go down that path however since it feels a bit like quicksand.

I am optimistic. I know the road will be bumpy but I know that everything will be all right.

I am determined - to stay positive and beat the hell out of this cancer. "Just keep swimming" -Dori.

I am truly moved by the show of support I have received. Not just from close friends and family but people I haven't talked to in years or haven't ever met.

Most of all grateful for all those supporting me especially my family and those that are my chosen family.

So it begins....

I am not a writer by any stretch of the imagination. Nor am I a good story teller. But I will do my best to tell you my story without boring you to tears. The most important thing I want everyone to get out of this is the importance of knowing your body and trusting yourself.

My story starts on the Friday before Memorial Day. After taking my morning shower and yelling at the boys to stop jumping off the bed onto the chair, I started to get ready for the day. As I was putting on my deodorant I caught my reflection in the mirror and stopped. My right breast looked "weird".  I've been noticing for a while (but ignoring) that my right nipple was slightly tucking in on the top. Now not only was it tucking in but the shape of my breast was very different when I lifted my arm. It looked almost flat in one spot. I then heard a small crash and was distracted yet again. Later in the day, while trying desperately not to think about it - I suddenly remembered Ms. Kozan. 

Ms. Kozan was the mother of one of my middle school classmates (Doug) as well as the PE coach at the high school I would attend. Sometime between 8th and 9th grade she died of complications from breast cancer. At some point my mom told me that Ms. Kozan had found it when she noticed one of her nipples was pointing in a different direction. With that thought I became quite anxious. I started doing some research and everything I read said to check with your doctor. So first thing Tuesday morning (dang holiday) I scheduled an appointment. After a couple of appointments, a diagnostic mammogram and ultrasound, and a surgical biopsy I have the start of a diagnosis... 
Thank you Ms. Kozan. 

I have been diagnosed with Invasive Lobular Carcinoma (ILC). That means that the cancer started in the lobules of the breast and is now invading other nearby tissue. They cannot stage it yet because they do not know about lymph node involvement yet. There were no clear margins on the samples removed so there is a lot more still there. Based on the current information my surgeon recommended a mastectomy. I asked her to take both of my breasts - for sanity reasons as well as cosmetic. I don't want to worry about whether it could, or has, developed in the other breast.

The reconstruction process will be started when I have the mastectomy. We don't have the surgery scheduled yet though I am anxiously waiting to find out when that will be. As part of the mastectomy they will remove and test lymph nodes. If the results are positive I will start chemotherapy. Genetic testing of the tumor will be performed and, based on those results, it will be determined whether or not I need to start chemotherapy.