<div style="text-align: center;"><b style="font-size: 18pt;"><font size="7">They look great!!!</font></b></div>

Well first off Heather's implants (Thelma and Louise is the current front runner) look great!

The surgery yesterday was a little more extensive than originally anticipated due to some longstanding complications with fluid buildup and some issues with the previous flap surgery that was done to prepare for this surgery.

There was a lot of work to do so, sparing you all of the details, we ended up staying at the hospital overnight for pain management purposes.  That turned out to be a moot point however because Heather had issues twice with the IV for the PCA pump that was to allow her to choose when to administer morphine...within limits of course.  She had site swelling and redness in two different areas and though it seems odd the thought is that she may have developed an allergy to morphine.  Still doesn't make sense to me.

Either way they took the IV out and decided to just alternate Percocet and Valium throughout the night.  We could have done that at home. 😤  

Thankfully Alisa Meyer spent the night with the kids and got them off to school this morning!  We thank her a ton and everyone else who offered assistance.....Alisa just drew the short straw!  😄

We hope to be out by early afternoon and we expect to take a good long nap before picking up the kids from school.  Not a whole lot of sleep for either of us last night.  Heather had a roommate so there was activity including the TV on all night, I "slept" in a regular chair, and the general annoyances that are commonplace when in the hospital. 

All in all things are good.  Thank you again for all of the love and support.  Heather will be home from work for the next 3 weeks, at least, and would love some company if you're up for it!

Picking up some new puppies tomorrow!

From the hospital...not the pound.  

Heather's (hopefully) last surgery in this 15 month long process happens tomorrow morning.  As with any surgery there is concern but I have full faith in Heather's strength as well as the expertise of Dr. Butterfield, the plastic surgeon.  

We are hoping for a speedy 3-4 week recovery period though there will be some restrictions even past that time.  As always your prayers and general good vibes are appreciated!  

My wife is awesome.....but you already knew that

Several days ago Heather and I realized that we just passed the one year anniversary of her double mastectomy.  We were amazed to think that it was just a year ago because, strangely enough, it seems like it was much longer ago.

Heather paused at one point and said that "In the grand scheme of things it was just a minor inconvenience."

Cancer diagnosis, double mastectomy, expander failure, drains, chemotherapy, radiation, more drains, etc.....a minor inconvenience.  Wow.  Just wow.

I am so humbled and amazed by that.  I love her so much and hope, if that was a minor inconvenience, that we never experience a major inconvenience!

Reminiscing on my own over the last few days I have become emotionally overwhelmed by the tremendous amount of love and support that we received over the last year.  So very many of you lifted us up in prayer and went above and beyond in providing us with emotional support through cards, phone calls, and visits, as well as providing meals, helping with the kids, and so much more.

I/we can't even begin to express our gratitude for your love and support.  It has meant so very much to us.  Thank you.  Thank you for being there in body and spirit yesterday and today.  💕

Two Drainz is back in da house!

Heather had a three hour surgery this morning at The Christ Hospital as part of the reconstruction process. 

All is well and we will spend the night in the hospital tonight and hopefully go home sometime tomorrow. 

There will be a three week recovery process and she will start out with two drains this time. 

We are glad to have Sandy McBryan, Heather's Mom, with us for two of those weeks to help out. 

Thanks to those who have already helped with kids today and tomorrow!

We will try to keep you updated here on the blog. 

Mark

Time to Glow!

Heather starts her radiation tomorrow.  She will receive daily weekday treatments for 30 days.  

A couple of positives here:

1) Heather is back at work and can walk to her treatments

2) This begins another phase that is a means to an end

3) The treatments only last less than 15 minutes

A couple of not as positive:

1) The treatments will likely cause fatigue. (Additional)

2) The skin in the areas being treated will be fried requiring lots of lotions and oils

3) Though Heather's heart is positioned well it will still become scarred from the treatments

We are planning a long weekend away once the treatments are over and before the reconstruction surgery can begin and I/we can't wait.  Just the two of us for a few days to do nothing or whatever we want.

This weather stuff means nothing.  Other things seem so trivial these days.  Our perspective on life is different now and in a much better way I believe.  Peace.  Love.  Happiness to all.

It Ain't Over Till it's Over

I really don't know where to start.

That was my original first line.  I have to say that it is now 3:00 in the morning and I am in Philadelphia for work purposes.  I seriously just wrote an incredibly detailed and thought provoking blog entry that actually made me tear up when I proof read it but, due to bladder issues, i put my iPad down for 1 minute and 48 seconds.  I came back and my blog post was gone.  I will try to re-create the post in a shorter amount of time because I have to get up in 3 hours and spend the day analyzing/assessing a program to determine if it is a viable option for our organization.  Dammit!  What I will try to re-create will not be nearly as heartwrenching and direct as what I wrote over the last 2 hours.  Par for the fucking course I guess.

Heather finished her chemo on Dec 16th. Thank God that is over. What?  It's not?  No. Apparently not. 

The Oncologist informed us that the full body pain, lethargy, hormonal changes, etc. are going to last 8-9 more months?  Seriously?  I thought we were done with this shit!

Nope. 

Heather has her radiation simulation today (1/15) at 2 pm.  This is a CAT scan that will help determine the direction that the radiation beams will need to follow for 30 treatments into the arm, breast, chest cavity, and neck to make certain that all cancer cells are eradicated in case the chemo didn't get them all.

"Fortunately" Heather's heart is positioned such that the radiation will only effect/scar the top left section of her heart.  She has always told  me that she loves me with all of her heart and I hope to God this is true (I know it is) because if for some reason she only loves me with the top left portion of her heart I am screwed.

One positive is that Heather can receive her radiation treatments during the day.  She can go to her appointments which should last just a few minutes while she is at work since the radiation will be done within a stone's throw from her work.

Heather is lucky enough to have a Manager; Mark and a Director; Sue who are understanding and loving enough to give Heather the flexibility she needs to receive her raditation treatments during her working hours.

Heather and I need a break. Really.  After the radiation treatments she will continue to bake for several weeks. Once the baking/microwave effect has run it's course Heather will undergo a series of surgeries to rebuild her left breast. (As you may recall the left breast reconstruction she had at the time of her mastectomy in July failed over the Labor Day weekend which creates the need for additional reconstruction surgery.)

The reconstruction process will start with surgery that will remove muscle and skin from her back to create the proper covering for her left breast.  More info about the procedure can be found here: http://www.breastreconstruction.org/TypesOfReconstruction/dorsi_flap.html

Epiphany

I, like most people, figured that chemo was the worst part of the cancer process and that after the chemo treatments it was smooth sailing.  Let's see.  8-9 more months of chemo residuals; full body pain, lethargy, hormonal changes, etc., plus 30 days of radiation that causes fatigue/lethargy, plus a pre-condition diagnoses of Idiopathic Hypersomnolence, (a form of narcolepsy), plus going back to work, plus having to deal with three energetic kids and a stressed out husband.....Heather is on the fast track to insanity!  We all are.

Our goal is to take a much needed break between the radiation and the reconstruction process.  The proposed timeframe aligns perfectly with our 8th anniversary. (April Fool's Day for those who may not know or recall).  

We hope to take a long weekend and treat ourselves to an all inclusive resort in Mexico, take a cruise, something, anything, to give us some time to "get away from it all" and spend time getting back to the loving couple we have put on the back burner for the last 6-7 months.  Of course this takes coordination and effort.  We will need asssistance with the kids and dogs during that time.

We have received a tremendous amount of support both physically and spiritually up to this point.  Please continue the journey with us.  It really ain't over until it is over.  The chemo residuals, raditation joys, the reconstruction process, and the five years and clear timeframe hang heavy on us each and every day.

We are trying very hard to NOT make this the year (+) of Heather's cancer but we can't deny it either.  Our perspective on life has changed significantly...for the better I think....but it does not necessarily make things easier for us.

I am not very good about asking for help.  If I was the blog post would have been much short her and something like this:

Cancer is ever present in our lives.  We are controlling the cancer to the best of our ability through modern medicine and spiritual support this making it a less powerful and burdensome part of our lives but it remains a concern and will for many years to come.  We appreciate any continued support; physically through assistance with day to day things like meals and helping with the kids, and spiritually through prayer and ongoing emotional support.  None outweigh the other. We appreciate it all.

It is now 4:17 a.m.  2 hours until wake up.  I'm tired.  Must sleep.  I miss my wife and kids.  I love and appreciate you all.  Thanks for listening and for your ongoing support in whatever form that occurs.  

#fuckcancer

Just being normal would be perfect!

I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings - so please don't take this personally. This is not directed at any person but at a perception. One of the things that cancer has done for me is shifted my perceptions and I feel the need to share one.  

As we approached the holidays I had a lot of people tell me to give myself a break this year.  That I am allowed to take it easy this Christmas - it doesn't have to be perfect. That my boys birthday didn't have to be perfect - relax and take it easy. Considering I was getting my 8th dose of chemo less then a week before my boys' birthday and 9 days before Christmas that seemed like sound advice. 

I really hate to admit this to the general public but I am a fairly lazy person. I have great ideas but pitiful follow thru. But this year I did decide to give myself a break on those great ideas. My goal this year was not to try and create some perfectly magical Christmas my goal was just to have a normal Christmas. 

I have two older daughters that would have totally understood if I said we were postponing Christmas to some future date. They would have been mildly disappointed but would have totally understood. But I also have a 6 year old and two boys turning 5 two days before Christmas.  For them, Christmas is the most magical and exciting time of year, full of wonder and delight. How do you postpone that without crushing the magic?  You don't. 

You also cannot forego a 5 year olds birthday. My boys had been planning their birthday party for 6 months. 

So as everyone kept telling me to relax, don't stress yourself, don't make a big to do; I was busy figuring out what I could do to, at least, keep it normal. 

The boys wanted an Angry Birds party - so I got some Angry Birds party supplies. Relax it doesn't need to be perfect.

Their oldest sister was sweet and offered to take the boys to the movies on her day off which was the day before the boys' birthday. So I figured we could celebrate their birthday that day. We would have a dinner they liked, make a cake and celebrate as family. Relax it doesn't need to be perfect. 

After weeks of begging from Reilly we managed to get our tree up and with the help of some friends the kids got it decorated. I got 95% of the Christmas shopping done before my last chemo. Relax it doesn't need to be perfect. 

I worked on getting everything wrapped when I was feeling good. Relax it doesn't need to be perfect. 

You see, I didn't worry about the fact that I wasn't doing Elf on the Shelf for my kids even though most of their friends were - we just made up a story about invisible elves.  I didn't worry about getting lights on the outside of the house or doing tons of decorating inside the house.  I didn't worry about the fact that I didn't think to preorder an Angry Birds birthday cake from whatever bakery. I didn't worry about planning a birthday party with the boys' friends or even something with family friends. I knew low-key was the way to go. I got the kids things from their Christmas lists, I didn't spend hours scouring to find that one thing that they wanted but didn't ask for. If I couldn't find it online or on one of my brief forays out then it didn't happen.  I didn't make any special trips or go to multiple stores in search of something. 

I didn't make this the perfect birthday or the perfect Christmas but I hoped not to disappoint anyone.  I just wanted normal. You see everyone wants to say "Relax,take it easy, don't stress yourself - it doesn't have to be perfect." But what they don't fully understand is that I have cancer - I already know it won't be perfect. That my family has to deal with the reality of that cancer every day. They don't expect perfect. But what they crave more then anything is a little bit of normal. I can't take them back to pre-cancer normal but I can give them a little normal at Christmas. I can at least give them the minimums this holiday asks. 

I admit that I did stress myself a little bit. I need to get better at not expecting so much of myself. I need to get better at asking for help and sometimes I need to not have to ask. Take just a minute and put yourself in my shoes and think about what you would do, what you would want. I'm going to guess its just a little bit of normal. 

By the way, we pulled off a normal birthday for the boys and a normal Christmas for all the kids. It was all perfectly normal.